


i don't want to die

by zimnyayazola



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Sorry again, kind of idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 08:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6147989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zimnyayazola/pseuds/zimnyayazola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he had was this empty feeling inside him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't want to die

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is and i'm sorry to make you sad.
> 
> I don't own anything you recognize.

He doesn’t know when it started. Last year? A few months ago? All he knows is he absolutely hates it afterwards. During it, he couldn’t care less. Although that would imply he cared about _something_ and that wasn’t the case. He simply felt nothing toward it while it was happening. He didn’t feel anything.

Tobio knew there was something wrong with him. He just didn’t know what it was. He didn’t _want_ to know.

Because if he knew, there’d have to be a solution, and he wouldn’t be able to get that solution without telling his parents. He didn’t want anyone to know anything about it. This was his problem to solve, not anyone else’s. This was his burden. What right did he have to get others involved?

He knew he shouldn’t just live with it. He knew it ought to scare him. But deep down, he liked being numb for a while. He didn’t have to feel pain or sadness or loneliness. He didn’t feel anger or hurt. He didn’t have to feel the disappointment of a loss.

All he had was this empty feeling inside him.

And after that numbness came the anger and pain and hurt and jealousy. All these came flooding in after the empty feeling and left him full of tears and self-hate. This period was hell for Tobio, but he deserved it. He deserved it for loving the numbness.

It all hit him so fast, all he could do was fall. His knees hit the ground, his palms catching the rest of his body. His eyes felt hot, the tears coming quickly. He wasn’t ready. This couldn’t happen. Not right here. Not where the whole team could see him. Not where his only source of light would see him fall apart.

Distantly, he could hear his name being called. The beating of his heart was all he seemed to hear. He swore it’d beat out of his chest one day. Maybe he’d finally be at peace.

Someone latched onto his arm, pulling him up to their level. Brown eyes. Orange hair. _Hinata._

“-yama! Answer me!”

He sounded so upset, concerned even. His face wasn’t meant to look so serious, so worried. He was supposed to smile. Yet here he was, yelling at Tobio. Tobio ruined his smile for now. Hinata wasn’t supposed to be worried about him. He was worthless, he was nothing. Tobio didn’t deserve Hinata’s concern. He didn’t deserve to even _look_ at Hinata. He was garbage, a meaningless piece of trash. He didn’t deserve to _live_.

“Kageyama. I need you to breathe.”

Hinata’s hands were on his face, his thumbs wiping tears. He was looking directly at Tobio, keeping the eye contact Hinata knew Tobio needed at the moment. He wasn’t letting go, not until the other didn’t need him anymore. Tobio tried matching his breathing, sucking in much needed air.

“I don’t want to die.”


End file.
